On this episode of the Unshakable Being podcast Dr. Heather Clark, PharmD and Kevin Pedrey explore how you can set yourself up to succeed when you’re stepping into something big–your big dream or vision. It all starts with believing it is possible, that you can do it, and a heart of enthusiasm, authenticity, joy and curiosity.
It’s also about giving yourself grace to let go, realizing there is more to life than your mission and creating balance between your purpose and your life.
Listen now as Heather and Kevin open up about accepting that you may not always be able to accomplish everything in a single day and in certain situations.
Sometimes you need to slow down, experience what is really going on and understand that it’s in the deep spirit work, where you can be real and pinpoint what you truly want, that true change happens.
Join us as for this episode as we examine the idea that faith is an action – it can be strengthened like a muscle, and with true commitment and consistent practice it will continue to grow. The only thing keeping you from achieving anything is absolute belief that it is possible. Kevin shares how to get real about the overarching question for your vision and discern what fears and doubts may hold you back. Ultimately, a big piece of creating happiness and meaning in life is the ability to share and be in community, connect, and make a difference.
Career and Business Coach
Kevin is the Founder of Core Coaching Academy. He brings 15 years of experience in corporate recruiting, consulting, and coaching. A resident of the Pacific Northwest, he began his career as a recruiter and consultant in the healthcare industry, working with executives and managers in Fortune 500 companies. Kevin then started his journey as an entrepreneur, founding a series of businesses in health and wellness, including fitness, massage, and rehabilitation. He has extensive training in equity-based facilitation and coaching for personal development and transformation.
Heather Clark 00:01
Welcome to Unshakable Being, the podcast with inspiration and practical tools for purpose led leaders like you to relieve stress, build resilience, and unlock vitality in your life, body and business. I am Dr. Heather Clark, and I’ll be your host.
Heather Clark 00:19
Hello, and welcome back to the show. Today’s guest is Kevin Pedrey. He is the founder of Core Coaching Academy. And he brings 15 years of experience in corporate recruiting, consulting and coaching. He began his career as a recruiter and consultant in the healthcare industry, something that a lot of us know about. And then he started his journey as an entrepreneur. And he’s got extensive training in many things, including personal development and transformation, which is like my favorite thing ever. Kevin, welcome to the show.
Kevin Pedrey 00:52
Thank you so much for having me.
Heather Clark 00:54
I’m so excited for this conversation. We connected not that long ago, and had the most lovely conversation. And we talked about so many things. But I really want to talk about when people are stepping into something big. So my question to you is, how can people set themselves up for success, when they’re stepping into something big?
Kevin Pedrey 01:24
That’s a really great question. And it’s a really big question. And I love the start of this conversation with this. So you know,
Heather Clark 01:38
when I think about really stepping into greatness, I know of most of my life I i’ve, I’m a kind of a daredevil, I’m kind of like I want to, you know, I want to do things, I want to step out there, I want to do it. And I’ve also struggled with that, you know, belief of Am I going to be able to accomplish this.
Kevin Pedrey 02:00
And I think, for anyone out there that wants to dream big, or they want to achieve something, it really starts with believing that it’s possible, believing that I can actually do it, and not really worrying about all the details of how it’s going to happen. But I spend most of my energy on I’m going to make it happen, because I’m not going to quit. And I’m going to find those answers. And I’m going to be inquisitive, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to get there. So I think that’s really that starting point. And I’ve done a lot of work with people. And people ask me all the time, Kevin, how do you do it? Kevin? What’s the strategy? Kevin? told me, tell me tell me. And I think it’s really about that heart of like, Is it really important? Do we really want it bad enough? And are we willing to do what it takes to to go after it?
Heather Clark 02:57
Do you find its struggle with belief that it can happen in the first place? Or struggle with continuing to believe in the face of obstacles and challenges?
Kevin Pedrey 03:09
That’s a great question. And for myself, it’s more obstacles and challenges and how I show up in the world. Because I’ve achieved a lot, and some of that achievement, and some of that success has cost me a great deal of my own personal life, and you know, how I’ve showed up and how I’ve haven’t been available and how I haven’t, you know, been able to balance other parts of my life. So I know for some people, they just struggle with believing that they can do it. I’m a visionary. So I believe that lots of things can happen. But the downside of that is, you know, too much too much too many obstacles, too many things to overcome. Yeah. Now,
Heather Clark 03:59
what you had shared just a moment ago, had a little vibe of pushing through. And I just wanted to know, could you speak to that? Or do you? What happens when you hear that when I say, you know, Kevin, it sounds like you’re trying to push through what happens?
Kevin Pedrey 04:18
You know, it’s a really good point, because one of the things when I think of success, and I think it’s like you said, it’s like kind of, I don’t know if we’re talking about that, but it’s that fear of success. It’s the fear of all that comes with the success and being able to balance that, you know, balanced people, balanced processes, balance the business, balancing your personal life. So that’s funny, that choice of word came up. Yes, pushing through and always showing up and always being able to do it with a heart of love and authenticity and joy. I think that’s the pushing through part.
Heather Clark 05:05
Okay. I didn’t intend for that to be a trick question. But I see now that it is a trick question. And let me frame it up a little bit better for you. For stress, part of what gets people into adrenal fatigue and burnout is pushing through. And the challenge and the balance with that is that ability to push through is in part why they’re so successful. So let’s talk a little bit about that balance. Like you talked about balancing success and all the different layers of your life pushing through when appropriate, and maybe learning when Okay, this isn’t a balanced approach anymore. How do you help for yourself or for your clients? How do you help them find that balance point?
Kevin Pedrey 05:57
That’s a great question. And for me, it’s all somatic. It’s physical, it’s really getting ourselves grounded back into what’s really going on right this moment. Because I’m very driven. I’m very, like, I want to I want to accomplish, I want to achieve, I want to do these things. And a lot of times I’m ignoring my physical body, I’m not really seeing what it’s, you know, like, I think I shared with you in our conversation before that I overcame anxiety. And that trigger is always there, that possibility is always there for me. And for me to be able to get into my body and say, What do I feel right now? Right? in each moment, when I’m uncomfortable, when uncomfortable situations come up, when I start to feel overwhelmed, it’s slowing down and saying, What do I need? Right now? That was really hard for me. Because I don’t really take time for myself, per se. I mean, there’s a lot of things I do in life that are, you know, success oriented, or achievement based, but slowing down enough to experience my life and to experience my body and to experience, you know, what’s really going on and saying, You know what, I need to step away from this situation, I need to step away from this, I need quiet I need whatever it is I need.
Heather Clark 07:30
Is that something you found? You always have had a sense of Oh, no, this is what I require in this moment? Or was it a bit of a journey for you to realize, Oh, I’m not even listening to my body? How do I even discern what’s required for me in this minute, what was your path there?
Kevin Pedrey 07:46
You know that. So I’ve been I’ve been doing, you know, body work, and you know, meditation and Tai Chi and Qi Gong for 20 years. And I’m an avid, avid into strength training and all of this stuff. And about three years ago, I thought I was having a heart attack, I thought I was having, you know, these chest pains related to you know, potential heart disease, went and got all the checks, they’re like, No, no, no, no, no, we’ve done all the checks. No, no, no, no, no. Kevin, you have anxiety.
Kevin Pedrey 08:19
What? How is that possible. And it was such a wake up call for me, because it’s like, you know, I’m spending part of my life over here. You know, really, in this mindfulness space meditative space, and the somatic space. And then I was living in this other side, that was just like, you know, guns ablaze in, you know, I’m going to, like, take over the world, I’m going to do all this stuff. And it was just like, this, this realization that came up that it was like, suffering anxiety, because I’m not listening. You know, it’s just like, I need what I need. And I, I have to accept it, I have to accept that I don’t feel safe in situations, I have to accept that I cannot accomplish things in situations, I have to accept that certain situations make me feel the way that they do. And I need to step back and take my time, and to acknowledge it, accept it, and do what I need to do. So that I don’t feel that way anymore.
Heather Clark 09:16
For you, is that a trial and error process? Or are you like, No, I just used you know, the things I had learned in my mindfulness practices, or like, where does the rubber meet the road? When somebody realizes because I think I’m not the only one that has been in that place, like, oh, holy crap, this is not what I thought. I thought I had great skills to manage this. That apparently is not the case. And now what do I do?
Kevin Pedrey 09:41
Yes. It is. Now I I’ve set up specific things where it’s like, like, for instance, the other day, something was coming up and I felt overwhelmed. And I started to look around and I asked my wife I said, huh, Oh, right. I piled on, you know, 10 different tasks. That Were not manageable, right? And this was just one example. And I went, I’m taking those off, and I’m putting them away. And it was like this instant relief of like, Oh, I’m taking on too much. And I think that’s the way it shows up for me is because I’m such a big achiever because I want to accomplish, I need to be able to say, it’s okay that I don’t finish that today. There’s always tomorrow. Right? Give it Give yourself some grace, right?
Heather Clark 10:32
Yes, um, do you find because in my own personal work and work with clients, what I have discovered, part of the impetus for taking on what ends up being more work than a person could actually achieve without stress and burnout. It really seems to me a function of the identity or the facade or who we think we are. Well, who we think we are is, you know, this super wonderful leader extra high achiever. And then we use Oh, well, wait, I can’t get 1500 things done a day. Maybe that means it’s not true. And then the big spiral identity crisis? Is that something that you’ve discovered in your work as well?
Kevin Pedrey 11:14
Absolutely. That was a, that happened a couple years ago, in one of our, you know, businesses didn’t make it. And it was the first time in my life where I really looked at my life differently, that I was like, I have no work. You know, I’m starting all over again, I’m in this new transition. And it was literally like this wake up call. It’s like, there’s more to life than your work. And, yes, this is my mission, like I have a big mission. And my work is my mission, because my work is my life’s work. And yet, I have to be able to separate somehow, to where everything in life is not about work. Like there’s, there’s more to it than that. Right?
Heather Clark 11:59
And you know, and when you say it out loud, it’s like…right?!
Kevin Pedrey 12:02
Heather Clark 12:03
I’ve been there, man. I’ve been there.
Kevin Pedrey 12:11
Yeah, you know, you’re always working. I’m like, I know, because it’s what I love doing. It’s like, I’m in the flow, and I’m in this thing. And it’s like, I yeah, it’s it is very hard for entrepreneurs, I think that love their work. And it’s also can be that mechanism of burying yourself from the rest of life and experiencing because when I lost all my work it I literally had to ask myself, like, Who am I outside of this? You know, if I don’t have this work, who am I? And that’s also my drive for the work that I do. Because it’s like, every day, it’s like, I’m trying to reinvent, I’m trying to, you know, stay at the top of my game. I’m trying to transition I’m trying to, you know, continually to grow into my mission. And, yeah, it’s a tough question. It’s a it’s one of those things that we really have to come to terms with.
Heather Clark 13:04
And how do you guide your clients for how to come to terms with that, and I know that it’s going to be different for everybody. But sometimes themes emerge?
Kevin Pedrey 13:14
I think my big thing, because of the way that I live my life is that, you know, I do really believe that we have a choice in the work that we do. I mean, sometimes we don’t, and sometimes we you know, have to work and but I think really the the underlying chord because I work with retired people, as well. And the underlying chord is where in our life, are we doing something that we really love and are very passionate about? You know, in old cultures, it was always like, you know, if you go to the doctor, they would always ask, or you go to the medicine doctor, and they would say, Have you danced and sang lately, right. And I think there’s this real thing inside of us that we need that connection, we need that creativity, we need that ability to share and give and be in community. And whether it’s a give back thing or whether it’s a volunteer thing, a big piece of our happiness and our meaning in life, I believe is connected to making a difference sharing connecting. So I think that would be the underlying I always ask that first question. Do you love what you do? are you passionate about what you do when you wake up in the morning? Do you jump out of bed and say yes, I’m so excited that I get to do this. Because
Heather Clark 14:36
there’s a lot of people live in the dream that don’t always feel like that either, though, that’s true. Because there’s there’s a lot of us I’ve never worked in a cubicle, but I know a lot of people who’ve worked in a cubicle and they’re like, Oh, I had this dream. I started my business and now I’m doing the most amazing things and I am not excited every day to go to work either.
Kevin Pedrey 15:02
This is the thing. I mean, and and it’s funny because you and I are having this conversation about, you know, this marketing and online marketing about like, I’m going to show you the success system and I’m going to show you how to live a meaningful life and I’m going to show you how to do all this stuff and it’s going to be great in your life is going to be different. I wish it were that easy. Well, maybe I don’t know. I don’t know that I do. Because part of the journey is kind of fun. But I did i think it’s it’s an exploration. It’s a it’s a really, it’s deeper than that. I think it’s deeper and more meaningful. You know, this is another thing we talked about I I love business, I love teaching business. I love teaching trainings and stuff, but every single time, I’m just like me, that’s not the stuff that really motivates me. It’s that deeper connection conversation, it’s having somebody that I can bounce those ideas off of, because my mind, you know, my mind’s pretty fast. And I just think that a lot of high achieving entrepreneurs and career professionals get bored, they get stuck, they feel like they’re not really making a difference, even if they feel like their job is awesome. I think it is both that other way as well. I think it’s a personal and professional integration that has to happen.
Heather Clark 16:21
So what about for people who are looking to step into something big? And maybe they know exactly what it is? Or maybe they just have some vague idea? How can you help them set themselves up for success as they do that? Like, step one was belief. And then what comes next?
Kevin Pedrey 16:44
You know, it’s really getting clear on the big picture. So for instance, I’ve had a big dream that, you know, healing is a big part of my mission. And I believe that it’s just been, it’s been a 20 year journey and figuring out, it’s like, someone told me one time, what’s your big vision, I go, I don’t know, getting by paying my bills and paying my bills. Like, that’s my vision is getting up and getting dressed every day. And but I started to really think about that. And, you know, people talked about what’s your legacy, and I had a legacy smushy. I don’t know, like, that’s not that important to me. But when I really started to look at, you know, I really do think there’s something to it, I really think that we do need to look at the big picture of like, what am I doing here? Why am I doing it? And how am I going to be able to make a difference?
Kevin Pedrey 17:39
So, I mean, it’s a really big question. And I think it’s something that really depends on the people that you’re talking to, because everybody comes at a different level. But I I do think that the big overarching, my overarching belief is that what’s the end game? You know, why do I really want to do this, what really fires me up? And we have to get really clear about the things that hold us back the fears, the limiting beliefs, the being able to stand up and do the things that I remember when I got that vision that, oh, you’re going to be speaking and you’re going to be, you know, on stages with 1000s of people, I mean, terrified me. But I work through the steps and fight and you know, it’s like, more and more, I’m doing the work, I’m doing the work, I’m doing the work, I’m doing the work. And I get more and more comfortable with the idea. And it’s just a process. It’s gonna take time, there’s no overnight success. Unless,
Heather Clark 18:44
or if there is, it’s been 15 years in the making.
Kevin Pedrey 18:48
There was an article like, rich Lippmann roadie, how I had overnight success in 45 years.
Heather Clark 18:53
Kevin Pedrey 18:57
It was a it was a change, it was really a big thing, because I just, I feel like everybody’s just looking for this magic recipe. And I think we all fall into that, like, Oh, it’s going to be the next best training, it’s going to be the next best thing. It’s going to be the next best thing. And I do think that we have that heart of inquisitiveness, because we show up better when we have that excitement. But I think it’s the art the other side of it that we have to be careful with, which is the expectation. I want to have inquisitiveness, I want to have enthusiasm. I want to, you know, believe that anything is possible. But I have to be careful on the back end, that I’m never going to have all the answers even when you know even up to the day I die. But I hope to have that inquisitiveness, I hope to have that sharpness of enthusiasm.
Heather Clark 19:48
Yeah, and it’s really more a matter of maybe I won’t have all the answers, but perhaps I’ll have better questions. So that’s a lot more helpful. Yep. So give us an example of different types of ends. two games that you’ve had come up for yourself for your clients, because I think people are like, yep, yep, got it, got it need to know the end game? And then there’s a lot of people that when they go down to do like, what, what? What are we talking about? So can you give some examples of what an end game might look like?
Kevin Pedrey 20:16
So when I say the end game, I think of what is the big vision of what we’re doing. So I’ll even break that down even smaller. So and I and I think it is important, because I think it’s smaller and bigger, right? So people say, when I was in health and wellness, it was I want to lose 30 pounds? And I would say, Well, why? And they go, well, because I’ll feel better. And I’ll say, okay, so why do you want to feel better, right? And what I started to realize was that there was something much deeper than this. 30 pounds, right. And I think a lot of people jump into things with more of the superficial reasons why they want to do what they want to do. And it’s many of the reasons why they never actually accomplish the things that they want to do. Because when I start to think about health and wellness, I realized that for 20 years, I’ve been on a journey of, you know, what does health and wellness mean to me? And, yeah, I want to look at, I want all that stuff.
Kevin Pedrey 21:15
But for more of that I want to live a healthy long life so that I can be there for my kids so that I can, you know, live a full life. Right? And maybe that’s tangible today, maybe not, probably not. But you know, I don’t want to have heart disease, I don’t want to have diabetes, I don’t want to, you know, I don’t want to be sick, I don’t want to have a weakened immune system. So that long haul game is I do this not for today, I do this for the long haul anything I do today, it’s because it’s part of the long term picture. And a lot of people will come to me and say, I want to do this, I want to do this, I want to do this, when you start asking more questions, you realize that they’re not really committed to the process, they’re committed to the expectation that they’re going to get something as quickly as possible. And that’s how they value the work.
Kevin Pedrey 22:06
And yet, a lot of times people are missing all of the in between stuff, right? When I started working when, and people were losing 30 pounds, 45 pounds, 50 pounds, for the first time, I started to ask them, What were some of the things that you noticed about your life that was different. And it was I don’t have heartburn anymore, I sleep better. My digestion is better. I don’t have you know, this chronic pain that I’ve had for 40 years. Right, on and on and on. And you can’t get to those answers. Until you’re on the journey for a while. And it takes time. Even in a three month period. Yeah, you’re gonna see some pretty amazing things. But imagine six months, 12 months, one year, two years, three years, six years, right? That’s when the consistency pays off. And it’s the same with anything that we do, right?
Kevin Pedrey 22:52
It’s like, if you want to be a successful entrepreneur, you do have to understand that all of the stuff that’s going to go into being a successful entrepreneur is going to be the rollercoaster ride of trial and error, success and failure, the ups and downs, right? In order to, you know, show up with that. Success. I did it, I was able to make it happen, right. And so when I think about the big picture, the big picture is how committed Am I Is this something that I can really see myself doing forever. And, and I know you share this with me too, because you’re an educator, and it’s one of the hardest things that I’ve had to come to realize, is I have such a heart for helping people. And I love to teach. And on the other side, it can be so discouraging, because I want so badly to teach and mentor and to give all of my knowledge to people so that they’ll take it.
Kevin Pedrey 23:52
And they’ll change their lives and they’ll be able to be empowered to do it by themselves. And that was what kind of caused a lot of that burnout for me, because it was that expectation that I have this big job to do. And as I’m looking around, I’m going like, Man, these people aren’t making the big changes that I want them to make. And I see so much more potential. And I had to learn how to I had to learn the importance of coaching and the other side of what it really takes to get people from point A to point B, my and nobody wants to talk about that stuff, necessarily upfront. It’s like, it sounds good, right? It sounds good to be able to, you know, succeed and all this stuff, but it’s like, let’s talk about the stuff that happens behind the scenes, right? Let’s talk about the late nights when I’m up and you know, I can’t sleep and, you know, or I’m struggling to, you know, overcome something right. It’s like, that’s where the that’s where the meat of it all is. And that’s where we need to meet people.
Heather Clark 24:56
Well, and in my opinion, that’s taking balanced responsibility. Because there are coaches and trainers and educators out there that are giving all of the information. And in fact I was talking to I was at a family reunion, I was talking about what I’m doing. Because, you know, coaching, it’s hard to get your head around if you’ve never had a direct experience. And there are a couple family members that were very surprised that I was sharing so much. I was like, Oh, no, I could tell you every step required for how to get out of burnout. But it wouldn’t help.
Heather Clark 25:31
Because that’s like, one way of looking at it, it’s an imbalanced responsibility, because that’s me telling you everything you need to do without taking into account. The choices that are required on the receivers end the timing, you can teach calculus to a third grader, but it’s not terribly useful for them, it’s probably overwhelming. And if you’re giving too much information or information that the person isn’t ready for, that can really create a lot of feelings of discouragement, and oh, this isn’t possible. And then there is the coach, we’re like, no, it’s it’s like, it’s possible. It’s like on its way it can happen at any time. But it’s because we didn’t allow them to also take responsibility. We didn’t really make it about well, what’s the transformation that we’re after here? Not? How can I show up with my gosh, I’m really good at this facade on. You know, and I, what we had talked about before, I think that’s keeping it more real, helps people be more realistic about the journey, like you’ve shared before.
Kevin Pedrey 26:40
Yeah. I love how you said that. Because I think that’s so true. It’s like, and I don’t know if we talked about that before, but it’s like, people come to me, tell me what you do. And tell me your value before I want to work with you guys. Like, Oh, my gosh, I was like, tell me about you. And I’ll tell you if you know, I can help you. It’s like it’s that consumers have been groomed to expect us to do the work and expect us to give you all of the answers. So that number one, you can feel comfortable and qualified. And you feel that I’m qualified. And it takes all of that responsibility off of you saying, I’m having all these troubles, I’m having these problems, I’m not taking responsibility for my life, I’m not doing this, I’m not doing this, versus you didn’t fix me, you’re not gonna fix me, you see what I’m saying. And it’s like, that has been the hardest part for me to switch into when I finally realized that I’m going to have to do the coaching work with everybody. If we expect massive transformation. And if you want massive transformation, then your level of commitment will give you the results that you’re gonna get.
Heather Clark 27:55
Yeah, and what you’ve described is totally a drama triangle issue. For those listening to the podcast, there’s two podcasts about it that ManDee and I did before, but just ever so briefly, that victimy proving energy will tell me why I should work with you. I’ve had people ask me that directly, and is like, probably we shouldn’t question like, this isn’t gonna go well enjoy.
Kevin Pedrey 28:22
Heather Clark 28:24
Like, that’s how you’re approaching me. That’s fine. That’s not wrong. That isn’t a fit here. Because these are people that often aren’t willing or ready to take responsibility for themselves. And like, Can you fix me? I’ve had people talk about that all that I’m like, No, because here’s why. You’re not broken.
Kevin Pedrey 28:45
Heather Clark 28:46
You are not broken. Perhaps your worldview is broken. Perhaps how you’re approaching things isn’t functional, but you are fine.
Kevin Pedrey 28:54
Heather Clark 28:55
And then for those people that are like, Wait, what? Oh, no, tell me more. Great. Now, now we’re really on to something but for other people, nothing wrong with this. Other people are not in that place. Sometimes it’s like, No, no, I’m going to do better to, you know, get a checklist completed. I need to fix X, Y, and Z and I’m going to go find somebody, may the force be with you. That’s no problem there. That position is just as valid. But based on my experience, and it sounds like based on your experience, those aren’t the people that can create the lasting transformation in their own lives and then that lives of others.
Kevin Pedrey 29:32
That’s right. And, you know, healing for me has been on my mind since I was like eight years old. And it’s only been in the last year that I’ve really realized that the only thing keeping us from healing in everything, and from achieving anything is absolute belief that it is possible. And I just see so many people and myself Included when I think about my anxiety, and I think back, you know, fear of death and fear of all of this stuff that I spent more time in fear than actual faith and actual belief in actual that, you know, we can heal we can overcome.
Kevin Pedrey 30:20
And I would just say that to your audience today that it’s like, in order to really heal, how much time am I spending? If I go like, Oh, yeah, I can heal, just like, Oh, yeah, I can lose 30 pounds, and then I forget about it. And then I go back to eating Doritos, right? It’s that same kind of mentality. And you know, people always talk about where do you get that motivation to be able to keep standing up and to keep doing what you do? That’s just it. It’s like, I consistently do it. I consistently say that today, I’m going to do this. And I believe that there’s more power to that, and that that will grow in my lifetime. And that that faith will continue to, to grow. And I and I, and I am I expect to see amazing things happening around me and for the people that I work with, as I strengthen that. And I do think it takes time. I think it’s just like a muscle. I think that bill, you know, people go like I have faith. Now that I’m saved, I have faith. But faith is an action. Faith is like I’m building biceps.
Heather Clark 31:25
It’s not a static thing. Faith is totally a verb.
Kevin Pedrey 31:29
Heather Clark 31:32
What role do you find that expectation has in the results, and then helping people be successful when they’re stepping into something big.
Kevin Pedrey 31:42
One of my clients told me recently, it really resonated with me. And she was kind of struggling a little bit. And she said, she says, Kevin, you know, the thing that I really, when we first started working together, she said, the thing that really stood out was that we work together, and I got some results. And I was really inspired. And she says, I felt that there was possibility that I was going to be different. At that moment, I felt my life was going to be different, something changed in me. And I felt like for the rest of my life, I was going to be able to hold on to that. And I took that in and it really hit me like a brick wall.
Kevin Pedrey 32:26
And it was like it was that moment when I realized again, that it’s like our faith in what we believe in, is that fire. It’s an emotional desire. That when I look back, and people achieve, you know, marathons or whatever crazy things that people do in this life, it’s this emotional belief that I’m going to do it at all costs no matter what. And that’s the attitude we have to have. It’s like, I have to believe so strongly that tomorrow, my life is going to be better that I believe it without any hold back. And any hold back that I hold back is limiting me from really stepping into that.
Kevin Pedrey 33:14
And when I realized that it was like, Oh my gosh, that’s like the fire we’re all looking for. And it’s not a downloadable feature that we just get to buy or, you know, it’s like we have to, we have to do it every day, I have to visualize that experience, I have to visualize the belief in it, I have to believe wholeheartedly in my body. And if we’re not healing, if we’re not losing weight, if we’re not, you know, getting the right opportunities in life, if we’re not making the money that we want to if our relationships aren’t right. I don’t believe it yet. Right?
Kevin Pedrey 33:51
Because when I believe something, I’m gonna, you’re gonna know that I believe it right? Because I’m gonna is like my four year old five year old child, right? They come up and they go Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, I got this great thing and I want to tell you all about it. They believe it’s like that spirit is so real. And and I believe that it’s that spirit. We’re looking for that. Like when we know it, we know it. It’s the law of mental equivalence. When I believe it, it will happen. When I fully and truly downloaded into my into my psyche. I know it. And that’s what I think we’re looking for.
Heather Clark 34:28
How do you help clients not make themselves wrong? When they find they can’t sustain 100% belief?
Kevin Pedrey 34:35
Kevin Pedrey 34:39
That’s a really interesting question. You know, I you know, I’ve really I really tasseled with my my coaching style. And it’s always like, I facilitate from a place of total love and vulnerability and also get your butt together here, right? Like sometimes it’s like I need to some it’s all in time, right? It’s always kind of like, are you? Are you being real? Right? Are you showing up and just being a victim? Are you showing up and just complaining? Or are you really making an effort to do what you need to do to make your world different? And I do think it’s really a balance between that. And I’ve really noticed that the way I raised my children, because they need validation, they need love, they need acceptance, they need to be shown that, you know, things are safe. And I do believe that adults need the same thing. And I think sometimes people just need to be shook a little bit, you know, like, Oh, I didn’t see it that way. Right? Like, it’s kind of like, are we really doing what we really want to right? I think it’s those moments sometimes that shake us awake, like, Oh, I’m just complaining. I’m not, I’m not really doing anything, actually.
Heather Clark 35:54
yet. So it’s a disruption with love, not a disruption from shame, right? You need to get to get and it’s more of a Well, alright, that don’t
Kevin Pedrey 36:03
move. But it’s interesting. You know, it’s interesting. You say that, though, right? Because when we call people out, right, even if I’m calling people out in a place of love, it’s hard for people to sometimes hear, and I know I’ve challenged people sometimes, right? And it’s like, it’s a funny thing, because it’s like, I want to show up for you. Real, and I want big results for you. Because you came to me. Right? And I’m always tiptoeing on how much do I let out today? Because I, you know, there’s been times in my career where it’s like, I’ve really like, given it all, and it’s been too much, right? And so it’s finding that sweet spot of like, I want massive change for you. And you know, there’s coaches out there that are like, I don’t care, this is who I am. I’m on apologetic, and, you know, you get what you get, you know what you get? But I think there’s a lot more to that. But it’s a big question. It’s a really big question. It’s a it is an important question, because we do have to be careful, because there’s transference, there’s all kinds of things that come up with, you know, our past, and, you know, people that have showed up and we can trigger people. And, you know, it’s something I’m always very, very aware of. So it’s a very big and important question that you asked. I hope I answered that.
Heather Clark 37:24
Yeah, I, yes. And it’s in part, because there’s a fair amount of the coaching industry, which, in my opinion, is shame based coaching, Oh, you didn’t hit your sales figures? Well, you must not have tried very hard, or to use an example that you probably would never do with clients of, well, you must not have believed enough. You must not have like, you must have eff this up somehow, is kind of how it comes across. Instead of Wait, what? Instead of, well, let’s do the post mortem, and just discern what happened. And then discover what could be tweaked change adjusted for next time. And a lot of times, of course, you know, this as well as I do this, the inner work is it’s almost all an inner game. But instead of Boy, you gotta call more people like, what is it about the calling people that’s a block for you? And let’s shift that, because that’s going to shift more than just sales calls. Typically,
Kevin Pedrey 38:31
you know, what, you know, what, it really was a, you know, that that’s coming up for me, as I’m saying all of this, it’s like, everybody wants overnight results.
Heather Clark 38:42
Kevin Pedrey 38:42
Yeah. And so it’s, it’s kind of like, okay, you want overnight results, you’re gonna get overnight, you’re gonna get overnight type coaching, right? And that’s gonna be you’re gonna you’re not getting off the hook. Right? Like, and, but you know, that’s kind of the whole thing, right? It’s like, we have to take into consideration where you are, and your ability and willingness to show up. And I have to be willing to meet you where you are. Right? And it’s like, I’m not going to push further than you show up. And I want big results for you. Right? And so it’s like, when people show up, it’s like, well, I didn’t get any results. And it’s kind of like, Well, that’s because you didn’t do the work, right? I met you where you were. And I work like at this high super level for myself. And I used to always coach people the way that I need coaching. And I realized that that was really intense. And yet people like that about me because I inspire them. I encourage them, I motivate them, I push them, I do this and it’s great. But it’s me working harder than them. And I’m creating a dependency and I’m giving them my energy when they’re not really doing what they could with it if they really were truthful about their commitment. And this is what I always come back to. And it’s not that I don’t think that they can. It’s Do I really think that you want to, right, I spend a lot more time with people now on that it’s like, do you really know what you’re asking? Do you really know what that commitment is that you’re asking yourself to do here? Because this is a big thing you’re asking, you’re asking here. Right?
Heather Clark 40:24
Yeah, and because really, that is a simply another aspect of the drama triangle. Because I’ve had those conversations with people the whole, I am as committed to this as you are. And I refuse to be more committed to this than you are, I’m committed to you. And I will call you out on that. And there have been a few times where I’ve just been like, and our work together is complete.
Kevin Pedrey 40:49
Heather Clark 40:51
This isn’t working
Kevin Pedrey 40:52
I know, it’s hard, it is really hard. And, you know, I had a, I had a situation recently where, you know, this person really wanted to, you know, do more, and it was just like, somehow I was more responsible than her. And I was like, look like, you have to do the work, I cannot make you do anything that you’re not willing to do. And I, that’s part of that education piece that I’m like, so big about now that it’s like, be careful of this overnight success, crap. And that people are going to give you all this stuff. And all these people no more. It’s like, when I was in wellness, it’s like, well, my doctor knows more. I go, Okay, go to your doctor then. Right? Yeah. Although, yeah, although I spend literally 1000s of hours a month on this, you know, go ahead and go to a doctor that has zero education on muscles, and, you know, all of this strength training stuff, but that’s fine. You have to figure that out. You know, it’s really educating people around, what is it that you’re looking for? Why do you want to do it? And is this something that you really actually want to do?
Heather Clark 41:52
Yes. And if you discover, oh, what they require for coaching isn’t a fit with my style. Nobody’s wrong there.
Kevin Pedrey 41:59
Heather Clark 42:00
If that person needed something that wasn’t in your wheelhouse, she’s not wrong. That’s not wrong. It’s just not a fit. Like, there’s not like there’s just 10 coaches. Yeah, that’s right. You know, yep,
Kevin Pedrey 42:12
that’s exactly right. Well, I used to come from that place, right, like, I can help everybody and I can do and you know, what I was helping a lot of people that I really didn’t want to help, right, because it was just like people who just really didn’t want to do the work, right. And I was just letting anybody in because it was part of my money and security. And I needed to help everybody. And, and that really changed a couple years ago, where I finally had to distance myself. And finally, it was like a self worth thing where it’s like, my value you you know, you were asking me this at the beginning. It’s like my values, not based on your outcome. My value is I have a lot of experience, I have a lot of, you know, encouragement that I can offer and motivation. And I have a lot of things that I can offer you, whether you succeed or not, that doesn’t change anything about me. Right? And it doesn’t change anything about you, if you don’t make it through this, right.
Heather Clark 43:05
And that’s such a crucial point. Success doesn’t change really anything about you, except the presence or absence of success as you’ve defined it. That’s right. That’s it. That’s right, does that make you more worthy, doesn’t make you less worthy? It’s just, it’s a different yardstick. And I think that in our, certainly our capitalist society, that’s very difficult to separate.
Kevin Pedrey 43:29
Yep. It is. Yeah. And that’s what, you know, part of that defining success for me was, I am only successful if I make a lot of money, right, I’m only worthwhile if I have this great big business, and I have all of these employees, and I have this whole thing. And yet, there’s so much more to me. I’m great, I have great values, I have all of this stuff. And I had to really separate that in, you know, it’s really been hard as an entrepreneur, because it’s like you and I were talking, I’m going to be authentic, I’m going to be real, I need to show up, I still need to make a living. And it’s always defining what those parameters are and what I’m willing to do in order to get my message out there in order to sell people my services in order to you know, show up the way that I show up when I coach people and just that whole circle of you know, this experience is a to give and take, right? I’m giving but I’m also getting in return and there has to be this real balance between the two where you know a lot of people and I know you see this a lot that helpers and healers and you know, caregivers they give themselves all away and then there’s nothing left. Right. And that I know that’s been my that’s been my issue in the past. It’s been success success, give give, give, give, give wait for you know something to come back and burn out.
Heather Clark 45:01
Exactly. Which is all kinds of not fun. No,
Kevin Pedrey 45:07
it’s not, it’s not fun at all. And, you know, these conversations are important because, you know, it’s like you said, you know, a lot of entrepreneurs that love what they do, and yet they still show up and they’re not happy. Right? It’s like, no amount of money, no amount of success, no amount of, you know, no matter what it’s like, I see these, you know, multimillionaires committing suicide, I see all these, you know, famous actors, you know, drug addicts, and, you know, all these other problems that they’re having. And it’s just, that was kind of my realization, that’s like, even they’re not happy, right? He’s like, we’re looking around our societies, like a lot of people aren’t happy. And we’re not really connected to the true to the true stuff. We’re not connected to our real meaning in life.
Heather Clark 45:54
Yeah, beautiful. So Kevin, tell me, what’s your origin story? How did you come to be doing this work?
Kevin Pedrey 46:03
From a very young age, actually, at the age of eight, I started, I was introduced to bodywork, massage therapy, chiropractic work, I was very fortunate. And I, and then, at that same time, I was introduced to martial arts. And so my whole life I’ve been really interested in the body have been really interested in healing, I’ve been very interested in, you know, kind of self development. And it wasn’t until I realized growing up that I had these addictions. You know, at a young age I was, you know, I’d started drinking and doing drugs at the age of like, 14. And it was just always this quest of like, trying to just trying to be happy, just trying to kind of find my meaning and what I want to do in life, and went through the military.
Kevin Pedrey 47:07
Just kind of a whole story of different, you know, experiences that I went through, but it was a couple years ago, that really stuck out for me was this coaching. And, you know, I’d been doing coaching, I started as a career coach, and then I moved into health and wellness, and all of that. And it was only about three years ago, where I’ve bumped into actual formalized coaching, that I realized there was something so big, and you know, my life mission is I want, I want to bring healing, and I want on a massive level to understand, you know, faith based healing and all of this stuff. And when I found coaching, it was like, it was this work, that I realized that that’s what we’re really after, you know, we talked about strategy, we talked about physical, you know, strength training, and Tai Chi and Qigong, and nutrition, and all of that’s great.
Kevin Pedrey 47:59
But I found that nobody’s winning with this stuff. It’s like, that’s not the be all end all. And when I found coaching, it was like, it’s the spirit work. It’s this work that when we really get real with ourselves, when we can really be vulnerable, and we can really get pinpointed on what we really want. So when we talk about vision, like, what do I want from my life? What do I need right now? This is where change happens. And I experienced it, and it changed me. And I started to realize like, Yes, and I started to look around, and I went, you know, our communities are so broken. Our society is so broken, we’ve lost touch with being able to have deep and real meaningful conversations and connection.
Kevin Pedrey 48:46
And we’ve lost that ability to mentor and share and be a part of, you know, sharing wisdom forward, right. It’s kind of like, I think we’re all looking for mentors. So why there’s so many cults out there, right? And so many, you see, right, like, it’s like everybody’s looking for that. Everyone’s looking for that person to help us and to teach us and it’s just broken, you know, and I have this big vision. And I’ve experienced some pretty cool, connected, community based work where I was like, oh, my goodness, it’s here is like it is right here. And that’s that mission that I really want to bring forward for people to realize that we can really connect with our friends, with our family with ourselves.
Kevin Pedrey 49:31
And it’s not just it’s not just business. You know, we talk a lot about success in business, but it’s like, we can have deep meaning and deep purpose and deep, you know, we can feel good, right? We can wake up feeling inspired and motivated and all of this stuff, but it takes work because we live in a society that’s kind of broken that we have to put it together we have to do the work. And then we have to go out and we have to share it and we Have to create it. I’ve looked for it, right. And I it’s kind of like one of those things where he’s like, if you don’t find your club, you got to create the club. So, yeah, I think that’s just where it’s at. I just, I really feel so inspired to do something really big. And I want to make a big difference in the world. And I think that’s, I think that’s the story. For me. It’s change and connection and community.
Heather Clark 50:30
Love that. Thank you. And you said something deeply fascinating to me, you feel like people are looking for mentors? And I’d like this is a fun idea. Let’s play with it. Is it? Do you think it’s more mentor? Do you think they’re looking for leadership? Do you think they’re looking for direction is it structure is like, let’s riff on this a little bit, because that’s really interesting to me.
Kevin Pedrey 50:56
I think our family system is broken. And I think that a lot of people, myself included, I mean, not that I’m not close with my family. But when you think about the, when you think about the ways our societies are now with, like, both parents working and, you know, 50% divorce rates, and you know, no mom and dad, in a, you know, in a stable family, right, it’s like our whole foundation is starting off shaky, right. And most people in divorce families, I’m fortunate that I, you know, my parents are still together all these years, I never had that experience. But the broken family, and, you know, for my family, we grew up in a lot of aggression, a lot of, you know, yelling and screaming, and, you know, just it felt unsafe, you know, there was all this other stuff. So, when I say that we’re looking for mentors, we’re looking for those people that can allow us to feel safe, allow us to feel good, allow us to, you know, connect on a new level, right? Like, I think there’s, I think for myself, is that it’s that safe person is that person who I can grow with and learn with, and they can teach me things. And I hear it all the time. You know, I hear this so many times that people you know, you know, they look for people that can help them and yeah, unfortunately, our society has taken advantage of that, I think, right? So it’s, it’s kind of unsafe, a lot of times to open up. And it’s almost like, why do you Why are you saying all those nice things about me? What do you want from me? Yeah, right.
Heather Clark 52:37
Well, yes. And in addition, like you would shared an example of feeling unsafe at home. But yet, for a lot of people, they feel unsafe in their family of origin. But they also feel loved. And now, love is now twisted around a little bit. So it’s a trauma. And a lot of people have trouble unpacking it, and it creates that major distress like, Well, you know, if my coach would just yell at me, I’d feel better, like well, okay. Let’s look at that a little bit.
Kevin Pedrey 53:10
Exactly. Right. And that in that why some people like that kind of coaching, right? It’s like, that’s what they’re used to. That’s what they’re they grew up with, it’s like, yeah, it’s like yelling and screaming in my family. That was normal. Right? Like, now, it’s like, I don’t like yelling and screaming, and I won’t actually tolerate yelling and screaming, right? It’s like, that’s just, it’s just not, it’s not conducive. It’s not helpful. It’s not, you know, I’m not putting myself in that situation anymore. But, so I think that’s what that comes down to is like, I think we’re looking for those people that we can open up to and feel safe. You know, a lot of people you know, go to church, and even in church, unfortunately, is, can be very destructive in a lot of ways with the way that our, you know, current modern day churches and their belief systems of, you know, damnation and, you know, telling everybody, they’re going to hell, and you know, all this other stuff. It’s the same story, right? It’s like that aggression that, you know, you’re not good enough. You have to, you know, meet my expectations before I can love you or, right. So
Heather Clark 54:16
Kevin Pedrey 54:17
population. Yeah, that and that’s what it is. It’s manipulated, people are looking for true connection. And, and I think, too, when I went through my, I like to share the story, because when I went through my first divorce I’ve only been divorced once, but yeah, I know, right?
Heather Clark 54:35
Better frame that up differently. Just sayin. Your wife might have questions
Kevin Pedrey 54:40
in my first divorce. Oh, so yeah. And I there was this betrayal that happened and it was like, it was so hard for me as like, I just couldn’t believe it. Right. It’s like, how could someone that I was so close with, you know, how could that happen to me and how can that person do that to me? And, you know, it’s that story of like, you can’t trust anybody. Nobody’s You know, trustworthy, and I just I really believe there’s a lot of people that believe that and my heart is really open, and I really want to connect. And then it was like, I was watching the show the other night where, you know, some, like murder mystery or something like that. And then you realize that it’s like, there is a lot of, you know, bad things that happen in this world. And it’s like, how can we be completely loving and open and vulnerable, and not put ourselves in situations that can hurt us? Right?
Kevin Pedrey 55:32
It’s like, we have to be really careful with that. It’s like, because I want to just be that young kid that was just loving and full, spirited, and joyful. And, you know, I think about my daughters, and, you know, and then putting them out in the real world, you know, and just thinking about how people can take advantage of them and hurt them. And it’s like, oh, you know, it just terrifies me. And, you know, it’s just, that’s, that’s the reality of our world. Now, do I think that there’s a lot of safety in our world? Absolutely. And do I think that there’s a lot of love in our world? I do. I really, I really do. But there’s also the reality out there too.
Heather Clark 56:12
Yes. And a lot of times what I’ve discovered, it’s helpful to see patterns and patterns of manipulation, like, oh, and this is how people can tend to control you, and being able to help people move through it in a way where they can still be open. And I wish I had a different word open and vulnerable, but not vulnerable to attack, you know, open, fully themselves truly seen. And then not foolish about it. You know what I mean?
Kevin Pedrey 56:46
Well, and that’s the thing I’m saying, right? Like, it’s like, and that’s the part that I’m saying, like, with families, it’s like, we’re not really teaching that kind of value systems within our families, right. It’s like, so many people are just in silence and families aren’t taught, you know, it’s like, I just really believe that the family unit in and of itself is very, in our culture, right? Because we, you know, we’re in a culture of, you know, marriages are failing at a rate of 50%. Right? This family structure is not building upon this ability to teach our youth and our families how to move forward in life successfully, right. It’s like, we’re going we’re moving through life, like, in trauma instead of, you know, in an empowered community state. And, and then you get into the world, and it’s just like, we’re going to create a business, it’s going to be me, me, me, me, my, I’m going to create this. And I’m going to be this, you know, mag, you know, this magnificent person. And I’m going to be this influencer. And again, it’s me, me, me, me, me. And I’m just going, you know what I mean? It’s like, it’s just this crazy cycle that it’s like, and we’re showing up already in life like this. Already. Not as empowered and as beautiful and as creative as we could be. Because we have to deal with all the crap from our past.
Heather Clark 58:11
Yes. Or at least recognize, oh, that’s crap from my past. There it is, again. I got a new choice. Yeah. Or Oh, you got me again. All right. Tomorrow’s a different day.
Heather Clark 58:24
Heather Clark 58:25
Love this. So I would like to know, what does it mean to you to be unshakable?
Kevin Pedrey 58:34
I love that. Have you ever heard of the word I just came across this word? Dunamis and it’s, uh, it was it was written in, in the Bible, actually. And it’s a power, it means power. It’s a power. It’s like faith in gentleness. And I never, I never heard that word before and how it was used, but I believe that it has a whole new meaning when it’s applied to, I think it was power or faith, I forget exactly what the context was, but that we have this living ability to almost see myself the reaction, my consciousness as it is, and that means when I’m angry, I see that I’m angry, but that it’s okay to experience that, that when I’m sad, it’s okay to experience that when I’m strong, and I have strong boundaries, that it’s okay for me to hold those boundaries. And that I don’t have to be soft about it if I don’t feel soft about it, but I can do it in a way that’s assertive, and respectful.
Heather Clark 59:53
Yeah, love isn’t always nice. That’s right.
Kevin Pedrey 59:57
That’s exactly right. And it’s like and so part of being unsafe as to not hold on to my emotions and the things that come up for me and to be okay to say, this is what I need, right? This was part of like me overcoming anxiety that I was like, I just need safety right now. Like, I just can’t do this right this moment. It was a statement, it was clear. It’s just like me saying, like, you will not treat me like this period, you will not do this period, right? Like, and it’s okay for me to say that. And being unshakable means that I might actually be shakable when I say it, but I get to say it. And being unshakeable means that that’s my truth. And I get to say it however I want to.
Heather Clark 1:00:42
Well put, thank you. So, Kevin, where can we find you?
Kevin Pedrey 1:00:48
So you can find me at a couple different places. Core dash coaching academy.com is my website. You can find me on Facebook, Kevin Pedrey, or Core Coaching Academy. And I do have a private Facebook group for entrepreneurs and career professionals. So yeah, those are my ways to reach me.
Heather Clark 1:01:11
Beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you for coming on the show. This has been delightful.
Kevin Pedrey 1:01:15
Yes. It’s always great talking to you. It’s been a great conversation.
Heather Clark 1:01:21
Thanks so much for listening. I’d love to hear from you. Go to unshakablebeing.com and submit your question, comment, or topic request. May you be unshakable, unstoppable, and vibrant again. Until next time.