End Emotional Eating: How to Feed Your Heart & Nourish Your Soul with Jodi Krizer Graber

Today’s Guest

Jodi Krizer Graber is the founder of Bravo! Wellness, a company whose passion and mission is to support and help individuals recover from the struggles of emotional eating, and sugar addiction.

A lifetime of struggling to live up to other people’s expectations, of feeling “not good enough,” being pulled in too many directions and constant comparing to classmates and colleagues took its toll on Jodi’s physical and emotional well-being. Though she earned respect and success as an executive in the performing arts field, it came at a steep price: an eating disorder. In her quest to be perfect, she was destroying her life. Change was needed and it came in the form of Jodi learning to love herself and understanding how to nourish her body, mind and spirit with healthy food.

She is a graduate of the Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University and holds a master’s degree from New York University. While in recovery from bulimia, Jodi attended the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and the school’s advanced Immersion Program. She had the extraordinary opportunity to learn from leaders in the field of nutrition, functional medicine and personal development including Dr. Andrew Weil, Dr. Mark Hyman, Deepak Chopra, Geneen Roth, (the late) Debbie Ford and Joshua Rosenthal. Jodi is a Certified Integrative Nutrition Health Coach.

In addition to supporting her clients, Jodi is happiest when in the Berkshires with her husband, spending time with her nieces and nephews, watching hockey or Alabama Crimson Tide football and sipping tea.

episode transcription

Heather Clark 

Welcome to Unshakable Being: inspiration and practical tools for purpose led helpers, guides and leaders like you to shift out of stress, stop going in circles, and get what you want in your life body in business. I am Dr. Heather Clark, and I’ll be your host.

Heather Clark 

Hello, and thanks for joining us today. We have Jodi Graber, who’s the founder of Bravo Wellness, a company whose passion and mission is to support and help individuals recover from the struggles of emotional eating and sugar addiction. Jodi, welcome to the show.

Jodi Graber 

Thank you so much for having me.

Heather Clark 

Oh, I’m excited to have you. We were talking just a little bit before we hit record about pandemics and emotional eating. I was just sharing with Jodi, that what I have found is my body at least thinks that it has more sugar requirements during this time, so I have chosen dates as my one of my pandemic partners. She laughed and Jody about are you finding that this is the issue with some of your clients or talk to me about emotional eating in stressful times?

Jodi Graber 

Yes. Well, it is definitely an issue during , this time and stressful times. I will say that, you know, for someone like me and there I believe there are a lot of people like me who have been emotional eaters or are emotional eaters have gone through an eating disorder. You know, some of the, the means the quarantine 15 the and then I heard, the best way to stop me from going to my refrigerator is to wear a bathing suit on the way or something and I get I get that some people think that that you know those are funny or you know, but oh boy are they they’re they’re triggering and they are so they are taken so shamefully for emotional eaters and individuals with eating disorders. You know and stress is probably one of the biggest you know the biggest trigger there is for emotional eating

Heather Clark 

Nothing like trying to shame yourself out of emotional eating my goodness. So, let’s lay the groundwork just share for us the the cliff notes version of what is emotional eating.

Jodi Graber 

Ah, wow. emotional eating is you know, going to was going to food to suppress To feed your feelings instead of feeling them when a feeling becomes overwhelming, overpowering, brings on feelings of guilt or shame. Emotional eaters go to you know, either the the sugary foods like candy and the carbee sugar you know cake donuts cookies. For some people it’s the salty potato chips, pretzels, but those feelings that those those foods you know then give you that that dopamine rush and that high of feeling good for a while. And then there’s the shame and the guilt What the heck did I just do? How could I do that and you know, and and then it’s just that cycle.

Jodi Graber 

Now the other side of emotional eating is you know, of course when we’re happy, we also eat you know, it’s your it’s your birthday and you’re out with friends and you have a nice meal and you have cake and you know everyone sings Happy birthday, that’s that’s all good. You know, I don’t want to make this like bad and good. But emotional eating can be very harmful and destructive to one’s health and well being. That is when it is a concern. Certainly going out and celebrating a birthday celebrating, you know, a promotion, you know, celebrating you know, wedding, you know, all of those things. That’s wonderful. And people should, you know, they shouldn’t feel like oh my goodness, I can’t do this because then I’m emotional eating. That’s not the sort of technical term, you know, when we’re talking about emotional eating and how it can be harmful to one’s health and well being.

Heather Clark 

I see, um, I really appreciate this because I feel like most of us are like, yeah, I get what emotional eating is. But this offers more depth, which I truly appreciate. So it’s not necessarily certainly eating to celebrate, I guess technically maybe is emotional eating but not really, it sounds like emotional eating becomes an issue when there’s consequences that don’t work for you.

Jodi Graber 

Exactly, when there are consequences and and when you are suppressing yourself, you know, when, when when there are these emotions that you are not feeling because that is then leading to So many other issues and concerns that affect your health. It’s just layer and layer and layer of stress and being unwell. And then that just leads to a myriad of, of issues and concerns and, and many then manifest into physical symptoms, you know of, you know, chronic headaches, migraines, back pain, joint pain, I mean, just every, you know, the gamut of physical issues.

Heather Clark 

Yeah, cuz In my opinion, once you have a physical symptom, then that’s your cue that the underlying issue has been raging for a long time. It takes a long time to express physically. And if I’m understanding you correctly, emotional eating itself is not really the problem. There’s an underlying issue with that?

Jodi Graber 

Excuse me, absolutely. There there is an underlying issue. There’s something that’s happening. There’s a, you know, I keep saying that we’re feeling but that, you know, there’s there’s self doubt, there’s fear of Well, certainly perfectionism, I mean, perfectionism, perfectionism, I could you know, what about that, you know, the fear of making a mistake, the fear of not being included, you know, wanting desperately to live up to other people’s expectations. And so, when those thoughts are going through your mind and your body, your your brain just plays tricks on you. And and you want, you want a quick fix. you’re desperate for a quick fix because you want to feel better.

Heather Clark 

So if I’m understanding you correctly, then the quick fix and the feel better that that’s actually not good or bad. Right? If it helps you feel better, that’s not necessarily bad. It’s Am I understanding you correctly?

Jodi Graber 

Yes. And I really, you know, I always struggle with wanting to, you know, make the point of, you know, not speaking in terms of good and bad because, of course, that just leads to the guilt and the shame and, and all of that but right, like, you know, a lot of my clients now it’s funny, you know, when we have our, our calls, and they’ll, they’ll talk for a while, they’ll tell me things, they’ll update me. I’ll ask questions and then in the middle of the conversation, they’ll say, oh, but I did go for the bag of chips yesterday. And You know, and I say, Okay, great. Let’s talk about it. What happened? And, you know, so so there’s where it is. It’s not a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing or good thing, but it’s an experience. And let’s talk about that experience. And, and then when we start to talk about it, they’re able to uncover what, what that sort of that trigger was, what was it that happened before they went for that bag of potato chips? And so it’s information.

Heather Clark 

I love that. I love that because when you start applying judgment to something, it’s like you’re it’s you can’t get anywhere.

Jodi Graber 

Exactly. And again, and that’s what emotional eaters fear, you know, being judged. So yeah, so there’s no I always I always say that to my clients. I mean, there’s never any judgment because if I started to tell you To the things that I ate or how much or how often you know, I’ve done it.

Jodi Graber 

So there is no judgment at all from me. I just, you know, it’s it’s information, it’s the experience. Let’s talk about it so that you know, so that for the next time that experience may happen, how you can be better prepared to, yes, you can eat, but nor do you want to eat, let’s talk about the best possible thing, the healthiest version of food that you can eat,

Heather Clark 

What actually nourishes you, whether that’s food or whatever’s missing, or misidentifying. So it’s really it’s deep healing work. And people come in through the lens of emotional eating, but really, you using that to discover the triggers, and to do that very deep work.

Jodi Graber 

Yes. Yes. And you said, sorry.

Heather Clark 

No, just like, that’s fantastic.

Jodi Graber 

Yeah.

Jodi Graber 

And you know, and for some people, it’s, you know, it’s sort of it’s deep work, but doesn’t take too much time. And for other people, it’s deep work, and it takes a longer period of time. There’s no one way. There’s no exact way to end emotional eating in, in my opinion, because everyone’s experience is different. So everyone is going to go through their own experience to end the struggle,

Heather Clark 

Well, I think that’s why it’s helpful to walk through stuff like this with somebody, especially somebody who’s walked. Maybe not exactly the same journey but a similar journey. That way you can hold the space for them and really be able to identify what some of the pitfalls are. But I love that you’re not promising “and you end emotional eating in just 36 hours” like um, no. Yeah, and I love it and how long is a piece of string because maybe one person Yeah. Oh, it’s this one issue I’m it’s completely resolved — tadaa. Someone else’s longer journey. And that’s, that’s not wrong.

Jodi Graber 

For sure, right. Yeah, absolutely.

Heather Clark 

I’m very curious how a person can discern the difference for themselves between meeting a physical requirement and emotional eating because you were talking about sugar. You’re talking about potato chips, because when I was recovering from adrenal fatigue like salty, crunchy things were a food group all on its own. Because your body actually requires more salt and in stressful situations, it does require more sugar. So how does a person discern the difference for themselves?

Jodi Graber 

I think one way is to observe you know, their their, their hunger feelings. You know, is your stomach growling? Are you you know, are you physically hungry that you you know haven’t eaten in a while and and then you sit down and have a meal and you you feel nourished you know you you feel physically satisfied and you feel energized. You feel That sense of aliveness sort of that with, I want to say kind of like no brain fog kind of thing, like, you know, you are you are clear, you are focused, that is, you know, eating to nourish your body.

Jodi Graber 

You know, if you are bored, and you go to the kitchen and have a candy bar, and then before you walk out of the kitchen, you grab a cookie, and then you leave the kitchen and 10 minutes later you come back and grab another cookie. And then maybe you sit down and have soda, even a diet soda, you know, that’s where you want to start thinking Wait a minute, why? Why am I eating this way? Right now, and again, you know, as we said, the cookie isn’t bad. You know, like, have your meal, have a cookie for dessert, walk away, and that’s great. You know, that’s, that’s a meal that’s satisfying yourself. That’s, that’s, you know, feeding your hunger. But when it’s this mindless eating, when, when you’re eating and you really just don’t even know why you’re doing it.

Jodi Graber 

That’s when you want to start saying wait a minute, what’s going on? And, and then, you know, then you will start to you may start to feel some of that the physical, you know, I mean, for some people, it’s, you know, then they’re putting I they put on five pounds, that’s how it starts right and then, and then it’s 10 and then it’s 15. Why am I Gaining weight? I’m really not, you know, overeating. And it’s not really overeating. It’s the mindless eating. That’s doing it.

Heather Clark 

So it sounds like part of it is simply being present and paying attention to what you’re doing. And then just questioning why like, oh, wow, I’m, I’m on my third cookie, okay.

Jodi Graber 

And that is that present moment is is everything. It’s, I mean, we hear so much about mindfulness and staying in the present moment. And it is, it’s everything. Because when we and I say we because I’m thinking of my life, but you know, so when I you know, when I relive the past and get maybe get upset about something, I said something I did, did I do the right thing. Boom, that could send back you know, In the past that could have sent me easily into a sugar binge. Because I was so distraught over what I said or did or didn’t do or didn’t say and, and then I would worry about the future. What’s going to happen tomorrow? What you know, what is my boss gonna say? What is my colleague gonna say? What is you know? What is my What is my coworker goning to say, whatever, what’s my family gonna say what? And and so I was never in the present moment. I was always you know, upset about something I had done in the past or worried about what was going to happen in the future.

Jodi Graber 

And when in the present moment that’s when I can say oh, my gosh, you know, I’m hungry. It’s it’s three o’clock and I haven’t had lunch yet. Or you know, it’s it’s eight o’clock at night and I haven’t had dinner yet or and sometimes it’s, you know, sitting down to dinner and thinking I’m not that hungry today. I don’t I don’t need a lot. Yes, I want to eat something, but I don’t need a big dinner. And, and that’s, that’s being staying in the present moment and being mindful.

Heather Clark 

Which is much easier when you’ve done that deep work.

Jodi Graber 

Yes. Yes. And but I also if I want to be clear to, you know, for people that you know, it’s not about you know, being mindful does not have to be, you know, meditating for an hour in a dark room, you know, that, that stereotypical meditation like it is not that at all. And, you know, we are lucky in this day and age that we have so many apps and tools and, you know, ways to make, stay mindful, easier for us.

Heather Clark 

Yeah, you can be mindful on the fly.

Jodi Graber 

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. For sure.

Heather Clark 

Like, if you want put on a special outfit and buy a special cushion. That’s fine. But you can be mindful on the fly. Yes, I’m real curious. What is your origin story? How did you get to be doing what you’re doing today?

Jodi Graber 

Well, I went through all this this perfectionism and emotional eating. Gosh, I think it started from our really early age. I can remember being in dance class at five years old. And there was a syllabus, sort of test that we went through at the end of the year. And the first year that I did it, it was on a scale of one to five, five being the highest and all of the different all the different points and, and I got perfect scores. I got all five Yeah, I like I can see the piece of paper as I’m speaking to you. I just see it in my mind.

Jodi Graber 

And I think I thought, okay, like this is it being being perfect is awesome. And I think it just stayed with me. I was in dance classes. I mean, I did study dance and till I went to college, I mean, even in college, I did as well. But, you know, I was always at the dance studio, always in rehearsals. And of course, there’s the stereotype about the dancers, and eating disorders, but but then I didn’t know that and I, I, I didn’t have an eating disorder then. But I was always you know, you’re standing in the center of the room, you have a mirror in front of you, you have dancers all around you, and so someone’s leg goes higher, someone’s pointing their feet with a more beautiful arch. Someone’s fingers are placed more delicately. And so there is constant that there was constant comparison.

Jodi Graber 

And, and then there was school and, you know, wanting to be in the smart group. Because, you know, remember school was divided up, you know, you had the smart kids, and you had sort of the kids that needed more help. And for some reason, I also remember sort of the smart kids were the good kids, the kids that needed more help or the bad kids. So, naturally, I wanted to be with the smart good kids. So that just I mean, that was my life for a very long time.

Jodi Graber 

And you know, and then it was the pressure of where you’re going to go to college, you know, I mean, you To go to an Ivy League school, you go, Well, you know, you’re gonna go to a party school, where are you going? And then once you’re at college, you know, you you want to have, you know, everything is, you know, what are you going to put on your resume? You know, where are you going to intern?

Jodi Graber 

And so for me, it was, it was sort of never about, I don’t, I don’t I was not in touch with who I really was. It was about who did everyone else want and expect me to be? Who did my teachers want and expect me to be? Who did my parents want and expect me to be who did my sisters want and expect me to be? And that’s that weighs heavily on one’s mind. And I really, I mean, growing up, I was, I’ll say I was skinny. I wasn’t like you would I wouldn’t walk down the room, walk into a room and people think, oh, she’s so skinny. But I was also I was average, you know? And but but there was always the comparison I always wanted to be like the really skinny like the one who was wearing the you know the skinnier jeans or the trendier clothes so there was always comparison.

Jodi Graber 

And when I think back now there was always sugar involved. I used to eat sweet tarts or roll of sweet tarts. And I would have at least one a day, if not to and when I think about the amount of sugar that that is, I mean it is a miracle. I didn’t do more. I didn’t do you know serious health damage to my body. And the, you know, long story short here is that all of this did eventually lead to a diagnosis of anxiety and bulimia in my I early 30s and that was tough. That was tough to, to take in, and to realize that that I really did have a lot of work to do to feel better and love my life. Because there was really no reason not to love my life except that I didn’t love myself and therefore I didn’t love my life. Yeah, so. 

Jodi Graber 

And yet, you know, now that I do what I do, I’m grateful that I had my life journey, so that I understand it. But yeah, it was there was a lot of emotional eating. And then there was the bulimia and there was a lot of, or what I discovered was, there was a real lack of self love. I didn’t love myself, I wanted everyone else to like me and loves me.

Jodi Graber 

But I didn’t love myself.

Heather Clark 

I’m very curious, you had shared that the diagnosis of anxiety and bulimia was tough to take in. Is that because it didn’t square with your idea of yourself or what was it about it? That was difficult to take in?

Jodi Graber 

Well, I think, you know, for one thing, I think it made me feel like like that there was something wrong with me in and that and that that was bad. You know, like, here, here again, I’m not perfect. Now I have this diagnosis. So I’m not perfect, and does that being not perfect make me not worthy. So it brought up all of those issues and concerns that I didn’t yet understand how to learn from that and grow and use it as incentive, incentive and sort of sort of excitement to to really have an opportunity to understand who I truly am and what I you know what I can bring what I do bring to this world.

Jodi Graber 

Because when I think about it, and now that I know what I know, I do believe that a lot of people not that they’re suffering, you know, they may not be suffering with anxiety, they may not you know, they’re not emotional they don’t have an eating disorder. But I don’t know that they’re truly living their best life.

Jodi Graber 

And now that I am, gosh, I want that for everyone.

Heather Clark 

I love that. So it’s almost as if the diagnosis was, oh, here’s another way I’m not perfect, therefore, I’m not worthy. And I could see how a person could reasonably conclude, well, you know, this is, of course, I can’t love myself because this is an issue, instead of the flip side. Talk to us a little bit about the journey to self love because sometimes when you talk to people in our world, people, it sounds like they’re saying, and I just flipped the switch. And now I love myself and away we go. And I think that can create a disconnect. In that it’s easy to conclude, okay, well, that’s great for her but whatever. So can you maybe share some highlights of that journey or what would you recommend for people who are like, I think maybe self love is my issue. Where do I start?

Jodi Graber 

Hmm, yeah. So it was it was a roller coaster journey, you know, it was not a direct line. And it was

Heather Clark 

Right?!

Jodi Graber 

You know, you don’t take one step and then the next step, and then the next step, you think you are like, Oh, man, I got this, oh, boom.

Jodi Graber 

But it was really it was looking back at my childhood, certain things that happened. And, um, you know, and understanding that you know, what happened happened and the reason it happened, but that it did not make me bad. It didn’t make me dumb. It didn’t make me less worthy. You know, it just, it just was it just happened.

Jodi Graber 

And some of that was, you know, like handing in an assignment and getting a B plus instead of an A, and, you know, me believing that I did everything right. And I did all the research I was supposed to, and I read the books I was supposed to and, you know, work all weekend getting this assignment done, and handing it in, you know, and then getting it back and it not being perfect and, you know, understanding that, you know, maybe there was one more thing I needed to learn about whatever the subject matter was, or maybe I didn’t explain all five parts of a subject matter I explained four you know, that that’s it, that’s not bad. You know, it’s just something to learn from.

Jodi Graber 

Or being–you know, going to an audition for a part in, you know, my dancing school, you know, used to put on Nutcracker performances every year, and you know, recitals and so going to auditions for certain roles. And you know, sometimes I got the role I wanted, and sometimes I didn’t. And it wasn’t that you know, I was, yes, maybe I did better than someone else to get the role I wanted, but also, you know, maybe I just fit better. Maybe the other person was tall and I was tall, so that worked, as opposed to a shorter dancer may be just as good as I am, but she didn’t get the role because I was taller and fit together better. And at the same, you know, and the same thing being when I was at another audition and didn’t get a role. It’s not that, you know, you’re bad. You know, you always want you always feel like, oh, you’re not good enough.

Jodi Graber 

Sometimes it is that, you know, sometimes Yes, maybe you do need to go back in the dance studio, practice this role a little more, do the exercises. But just because you weren’t good for that role at that time, doesn’t mean you’re, you know that I was a bad dancer or that I, you know that there was something wrong with me. It just meant I needed to work a little harder on something so, so it’s but it’s these things that happen and when they happen, one after another, you know, you’re going to school, you’re going to the dance studio, or you’re a musician or you know, whatever it is.

Jodi Graber 

And these themes, every experience you take and you analyze, I’m worthy. I’m not worthy. I’m I’m good. I’m bad. Then your your self love you. These are reasons for you not to love yourself. So when you start to examine them and look at them and when I say examine, you know, for me it was with a therapist, I did go to a therapist I talked it through, to understand what was happening also to understand that sometimes it’s not about you at all, it’s about the other person and what they’re going through.

Jodi Graber 

So when you start to understand that too you are able to appreciate who you are, what you do. And and then, you know, then there is there’s a lot of you know, there’s a lot of reading there’s you know, lots of different books out there which you know, I can I can share in a moment but you know, there are different books to read, there’s of course, journaling every you know, everyone talks about journaling. And again, it doesn’t, you know, you don’t have to write, you know, a manuscript, you know, every day to know your thoughts for five minutes. What happened? What came into your mind? What were you thinking? Because it’ll it’ll help you to see Yeah, you know, I’m okay with that I did the right thing, or I did, I did the best that I could. If you do the best that you can at a given time. No one can take that away from you.

Jodi Graber 

And so when you start to uncover that, examine it, talk about it, write about it, think about it. You you start to, as I said, you start to see that you’re a human being. Do you know Are any of us perfect? No. I always like to, I love Mary Poppins. I mean, I just love that movie. And I love when Mary Poppins pulls out the tape measure. And she says practically perfect in every way. So even Mary Poppins wasn’t perfect. She was practically so that leaves a little room for error there.

Jodi Graber 

And so I love that I just because that lets me see I let me do my best, you know, maybe practically perfect. No, no one is perfect. We are all going to make a mistake at some point. And when you realize that, oh boy, that’s a relief. That is a relief.

Jodi Graber 

And and then you know, then there are also physical things to do. Like, you know, yoga, tai chi, Reiki just, you know, or you know, it If you’re a runner, if you if you like to run if you’re a walker, a hiker, something where you really enjoy and you’re really feeling the ground, you’re feeling your footsteps, you’re feeling your muscles engage. Because, you know all of this is also it’s the physical, the emotional and it’s the physical. And then when you combine the two, then you really you you can just you can sit back and smile and, and love who you are and and that opens up a world of possibilities for you.

Heather Clark 

Because you know, I’m gonna resonate with ‘Be who you are’ like, that’s, that’s my whole thing. When you’re who you are, that’s when you channel this vitality into everything. But what I really appreciate about what you’re sharing is that a lot of times when you look back in your childhood, well, what’s going on here? The whole example of a B plus instead of an A boy, that resonates with me, because a lot of people are looking for what everybody would agree is a major trauma. Oh, well, here’s a major trauma, and therefore this explains everything. And as a persons digging around, well, all I have is what didn’t quite make everything I tried out for and I expected to and i and i like, but that’s nothing. Well, no, that’s obviously something. Why are we continuing to judge this is not enough of a reason. So I really appreciate that your journey to self love takes you wherever it takes you. That’s fine.

Jodi Graber 

Yeah, and I think that goes back to that goes back to you when you asked me, you know, why did I feel less worthy and such when I got the diagnosis and I think that was part of the reason to like, when I think back I didn’t have a major trauma. I mean, certainly I’m grateful for that. But I didn’t have that. So then I’m looking at myself thinking, you know, well, what the heck is wrong with you?

Jodi Graber 

You know, if you didn’t have major trauma, like you, you know, you, you have a good job you’re, you know, you’re doing what you want to be doing, like what is wrong with you, but yeah, that was part of it. And that is.  Yeah, it doesn’t have to be anything major. It’s, it’s what ever it is. I mean, you know, someone, someone might have made fun of clothes you wore one day, and boy, if that sticks with you, that’s gonna hurt, that is gonna hurt. And you may feel excuse me, you may that may shake your confidence. You could be now you know, the CEO of a corporation. But if every time you walk in that boardroom or something, you remember that person. Making fun of your clothes. Oh, that’s gonna be that’s gonna be tough. Even even on a even on a CEO.

Heather Clark 

Yeah, cuz a lot of this is an outgrowth of when we are drawing conclusions from a limited perspective, which is always an issue. But we’re doing it as a kid when we’re first patching together our identity. And we’re just like we draw conclusion. And as an adult, you look back, you’re like that, that doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t logically hold. But when you’re five,

Jodi Graber 

yeah,

Heather Clark 

that’s how the world is. And you unwittingly kind of pack that in. So I really love this, that it’s an examination of it. The vibe of what you’re saying as a releasing of judgment, or at least acknowledging judgment and not doubling down on it. And then also, it sounds like part of the journey of self love is doing something physical where you’re truly in your body.

Jodi Graber 

Yes, because I think also, you know, so, so much when you are talking about emotional eaters and eating disorders, of course is the is the discomfort and in some cases the hatred of the way you look. So, doing some yoga taking a walk, you know, being grateful being so grateful for every body part that you have that that does work that supports you.

Jodi Graber 

You know, I hear so many people that talk about, you know, their, fat legs, their fat thighs, and you know, I, you know, I don’t like the word fat, but but people you know, again, no judgment, they’re sharing how they feel with me, right? So they’re saying my fat thighs, my fat legs. And then when you think about it, you know if if you are blessed with two legs that hold you up, that you can walk on you know, love them, love them.

Jodi Graber 

Now, you know depending on where you’re at in your journey, could you do some exercise to you know, maybe shape them in some way that makes you happy? Sure, then then Sure, let’s do that. You know, let’s work on that too. But love them first the way they are. Then you know, then collaborate with them you know, and then make it because then also you want to make it fun. If you’re going to exercise Let’s face it, we want to enjoy it. You know exercise for the sake of exercising, or because you know, you think you have to do it to lose weight. That is just not it’s not fun. So Love your legs and then say, hey, let’s do this. Let’s do 10 leg lifts today. Let’s take a walk around the block. But you know and and, and then it’s, then it does, it becomes you know, maybe it’s not enjoyable and that, you know, hey, it’s you know, it hurts to lift your legs and then your muscles are sore, but it becomes, excuse me,

Jodi Graber 

It becomes more about so I have in my calendar, self love movement. I don’t put exercise in my calendar, I put self love movement, because then it also just signals to me, you know what, I’m doing this to be my best self. I’m not doing this because everyone else is exercising. I’m not doing it because I think it’s good to do. I’m doing it because I love myself. And I know that I will feel better if I do it.

Heather Clark 

I’ve love the self love movement like like, What’s your goal here. And it really tells your unconscious–What are we doing here? Like this is simply an expression of self love, and I’m doing movement. Right? So it’s not like and then you pencil in doing something you hate. That doesn’t work. Like No, I’m like, but I also really like that you’ve identified that the underlying issue I would assume for maybe not everybody, but pretty much everybody is a self love issue.

Heather Clark 

And I share this because, gosh, when was it was my late 20s. I decided, I think my issues are because I don’t feel good about how I look. So I I’m a spreadsheet girl. So I busted out a spreadsheet and I did this whole weight loss journey and counted calories and did all these things. And it worked in that the result was I lost weight. And it was like just right at ideal body weight, which kind of looks super skinny. me. And I was like ta-daa, here, I’ve got it. And if you had asked me, I would have said, No, no, I’m sure this won’t solve all of my problems. But I lost the weight, I was found that I was genuinely surprised that I still had pretty much all of the same problems and issues in my life. And for me, I was like, oh, oh, they don’t have anything to do with each other. I didn’t know that. It’s one of those things that rationally and consciously you know that, but I guess for me, it was required to have that lived experience. So I really appreciate it. So if you’re out there listening to, to this and thinking, Okay, well, no, my issue is actually just the emotional eating, or my issue truly is how I look. I just invite you to consider, perhaps that isn’t it? Maybe that isn’t the deeper issue. So you don’t have to buy this hook, line and sinker but play with this idea, because maybe that issue is easier to resolve. If it’s truly a self love thing,

Jodi Graber 

Right? And you know, and there are people there are certainly people out there that maybe don’t like their bodies because they’re 10-15 whatever pounds overweight, and they go on an exercise journey, you know, and they lose weight and they’re happy, you know, it that it was truly either you know, lack of exercise overeating and, and that’s that and there are many, many people out there that that is what’s going on. And then there are the others. And and so and so I think to your point about for people listening, you know, to just take a moment to breathe in and and think you know, is this what’s going on for me and and if it is to know that you are not alone at all and there is a way out, if you will, there is another side to this. And and it is so worth the time and energy to put in the effort to make the shift.

Heather Clark 

Oh, absolutely. And probably it gets them to wherever they want to go a lot faster. Because when you’re coming through the lens of self love, shame is going to get in the way of that like, Okay, well maybe your reflex is to beat yourself up. But you could simply Oh, I notice I’m beating myself up. What if I shifted that for at least 10 seconds? Yeah.

Jodi Graber 

Yeah, yeah.

Heather Clark 

And I like that one of your other approaches you have talked a lot about it’s not you’re not feeding yourself. You’re nourishing yourself. And I love that maybe you’re looking to nourish yourself, but perhaps you’re choosing food, but maybe it isn’t food that’s actually what’s required here. Yeah.

Jodi Graber 

And a lot of times when I am speaking, I use the phrase, feed your heart, nourish your soul.

Jodi Graber 

Because I want people to understand that you know, listen, we do need to eat, you know, we need food, to for energy and and to give us you know, we need to consume the nutrients that are going to help our bodies to to thrive. And at the same time, we do need the activities we do need to nourish our soul with love and joy and happiness and fun. And, you know, so you know, sometimes it is that you know, you need to step away from your computer. And, you know, talk to a friend put on, you know, a funny, funny TV show like so that you can laugh.

Jodi Graber 

You know, those kinds of things, getting together with friends, dancing, you know, putting on some music and dancing. We need these activities in our life to bring us joy and yeah, and to to nourish our souls. So that we just we feel that love and joy in our heart.

Heather Clark 

Love that. In functional medicine, there’s this concept that connection is a nutrient and perhaps some of the issues that people are experiencing is essentially a connection deficiency. And it’s not connection isn’t just I’m in the company of other people, it’s sort of a different vibe. And I really like this idea that what if it’s, and I use I come at this from the lens of healthcare practitioner. And a lot of, you know, pharmacists and physicians and nurses and allied practitioners are used to thinking of things in from a perspective of deficiency. So what if it’s simply a joy deficiency? And how would you treat that? Yeah. What if this is a love deficiency? How could you treat that? Because cake might not be the way to get there. Cake might, you know, the sugar and all of the things you’re taking in might make the neurotransmitters that you’re craving, but maybe that’s not actually addressing what’s really going on?

Jodi Graber 

Right, exactly. I mean, I remember a client I work with a couple of years ago he was a gentleman in probably in his mid 40s. And he worked in Manhattan lived in Connecticut, you know, so there was the commuting involved and such. And one of the things we discussed and that he really discovered as we were working together was his love of being outdoors, you know, that basically he went from his house to the train to the office and he really missed being outdoors. And, and he loved, you know, gardening and you know, being in his yard. And so it was that connection, that he that he was really missing and we talked about, you know, just making time when he got home at night, you know, even 10 minutes of being in the yard Or, you know, if it was, you know, wintertime and it was too cold to stand out in the yard, you know, even just to look outside in the yard to experience that, that nature that he craved.

Jodi Graber 

And so sometimes it’s that it’s that kind of thing that someone needs. And what I love about that, too, I think is that, you know, so many people think they have to spend so much money, it’s so expensive, they, you know, they need the fancy spa kind of thing or whatever. And this was his backyard. He needed his backyard. So he didn’t need to spend money on anything fancy. It was it was just he had it it was right there. And he can enjoy it. So yeah, connection. Is is every yeah is very, very important.

Heather Clark 

Jodi, what does it mean to you to be unshakable?

Jodi Graber 

Well, it’s funny when you just said that it brought me. It brought me back to the day that I was laid off from a job I loved. Um, and there’s a long, you know, there’s a long backstory there but the unshakeable part for me in that moment was that I was able to handle it that I so for being unshakable is, you know, again, I think it goes back to being in the present moment, being in that moment to hear what was being said at me, said to me And knowing in that moment that I could handle it. And that I was not bad. This wasn’t happening to me because I was bad or wrong or stupid or not perfect or not worthy any of that it was happening to me and I can handle it.

Heather Clark 

Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you. So tell us where can we find you?

Jodi Graber 

My website is Bravowellness.com and I will say there is another company out there that is Bravo Wellness, but my website is Bravowellness.com.

Jodi Graber 

And you know there’s information there. I do talk about Mary Poppins there and then You know of course you can find me on Facebook you know there’s a there’s a Bravo wellness page there. Instagram is Bravo_wellness and yeah and I you know I really like to share resources there share my thoughts you know I do send out a newsletter so you know you can sign up for that on my website if you want. I really I just I really like to share information and resources because I feel like you know, I am in front of my computer a lot I am reading I am listening to people and I know that not everyone is doing that. So if I hear something if I read something or see something, I want to share it with you if I you know if it resonates with me and I believe it can help someone else. I like to share it.

Heather Clark 

Oh, that’s fantastic. That’s so wonderful to find someone who can really curate the content. Because, you know that way it’s like, oh, this is a one stop shop, I can get highlights. I can put it together. Like that’s fantastic. Love it. Love it. And thank you so much for coming on the show what a juicy, wonderful conversation.

Jodi Graber 

I’ve enjoyed it. I appreciate you having me and I really enjoyed it because, you know, when I was going through my struggle, I I didn’t know where to turn. I I didn’t understand that, you know, there were books out there. You know, I mean, man at the time, there weren’t podcasts and things but you know, but there were some books and and I didn’t, I was just in my own little world and, you know, once I read You know, Brene Brown and Janine Roth it was just like, oh, wait a minute. Yeah, other people are going through this too. All right, let me you know, and, and, and that’s what at the time that was what gave me hope that you know, that I could feel feel better.

Heather Clark 

Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you so much.

Jodi Graber 

You are very welcome. Thank you so much for having me.

Heather Clark 

Thank you so much for listening to Unshakable Being. You’ll find the links and descriptions mentioned today in the episode show notes located at unshakablebeing.com. May you be unshakable, unstoppable and vibrant again. Until next time.